Men and Women Are Different

Men and women react differently during an argument.  This is simple human nature.  Men tend to react more strongly during an argument than women do.  By understanding how he reacts, you can start to change the way you argue to make it more productive.

A Woman’s Reaction

When arguing women tend to want to keep the conversation going.  We like to talk things out and get our thoughts out there.  Our focus is not really on solving the problem, but rather just telling how we feel.  We generally take the active role during a fight.

A Man’s Reaction

Men, on the other hand, are more reserved. They are passive.  They want to resolve the issue, but they are not as big on sharing how they feel.  They want to solve the problem and get to the solution as soon as possible.

Using this to Help During a Fight

Now that you know the differences in how men and women react during an argument you can see that if you want a fast resolution without adding fuel to the flames that you should focus on a solution.  That does not mean that you cannot share your feelings.  Rather you should focus on the problem first and then after you have calmed down and solved the problem, you can talk about your feelings.  Using this strategy should help you to keep arguments productive instead of destructive.

Don’t worry.  I have some great tips for you that will help you to finally learn how to get your point across to your boyfriend.

Tip #1 – Grab his attention before you even start talking.  Give him a compliment or say something that you know will make him listen.

Tip #2 – Be positive.  If you are trying to get a point across about something he has done wrong or something negative avoid going straight to the negative talk.  Instead find a way to bring it out in a positive light.

Tip #3 - Be humorous.  Just because you want to talk about something serious doesn’t mean you have to be all business.  Try to bring humor in to lighten the mood and help keep him from tuning out.

Tip #4 – Be respectful.  Even if you are mad, do not start throwing out disrespectful comments.  There is no quicker way to lose his attention then to start disrespecting him.

Tip #5 – Know what you want to say.  One thing men really find annoying about women is rambling.  Admit it.  You ramble.  We all ramble.  Avoid it because he will see it as useless chatter and tune you out quick.  Gather your thoughts before you start.

Tip #6 – Get him involved.  You do not want to just talk and talk.  Make the conversation interactive.  Ask questions or ask him for comments and feedback.

Follow these tips and you will start to see a change in your conversations with your boyfriend.  Things may actually start getting done and you may finally start being heard.

Why Are You Arguing So Much?

Start by figuring out why you are arguing.  What started the argument?  Is it really something worth all the tension?  Sometimes arguments start about small things.  In a relationship you both have to learn to not sweat the small stuff.  If it was something stupid then brush it off and end this fighting.

Try to get balance back.  If he is throwing negative things at you then try to bring out some positive.  If he yells because you left the cap off the toothpaste then say you are sorry and compliment him on how you love how tidy he is.  Try to turn the tide.  When you are both throwing out negative then the situation will only get worse.

Start By Agreeing to Disagree

At some point you will have to talk.  You will have to get at the heart of what is going on.  You need to be mature and talk it out.  You will both have to compromise.  You need to come to an agreement, even if it is to agree to disagree.

In order to get out of this bad situation you have to be willing to move forward.  This is a good time to look at your relationship and see if it is worth saving.  Maybe things are naturally ending and you just haven’t realized it.  However, many times arguing is just part of the relationship.  You argue because you care.  Many times we argue because we don’t want to bring up a major issue that we know may put our relationship in jeopardy.  It is always better to just get the big things out of the way.  Talk it through and see what happens from there.  You could end up with a stronger relationship in the end.