You Make The Rules

Start by realizing that you make the rules.  It is up to you if you want to date.  It is up to you how serious you want to get.  It is up to you if you want to introduce the man you are dating to your kids.  It is all your choice.

To make things easier, here are some great tips that will help you get back into dating.

Tip #1: Have a sitter in place.  You should look for someone reliable and who will be able to watch your kids pretty much whenever you ask.  Also consider having a sitter that can stay over, just in case the need arises.

Tip #2: Avoid the urge to find new daddy for your kids.  Guys are afraid to date single moms because they know it comes with responsibility.  Don’t pressure him too soon to step up as a father figure.  Let him in on deciding if the dad role fits him.  You will know he is up for it when he starts to make comments or suggestions involving the kids – like, let me pick up junior from his ball game since I work right by the field.

Tip #3: Remember that your kids are watching.  You are still a role model, so don’t throw your morals out the window and act like a crazy teen.  Keep yourself in tact and don’t lower your standards because you think you have to just because you have kids.

Tip #4: Don’t forget to have fun.  Dating should be fun.  Don’t let yourself worry about the kids or even focus on the kids when you are out.  When you are out, focus on being out.  You left the kids in the hands of a trusted sitter, so enjoy yourself – they are fine.

Tip #5: Don’t hang on too long.  Too often single moms hold on for too long to a relationship that is failing.  Whether you feel that you don’t want to break your kids hearts because they really are attached to him or that you fear you won’t be able to find anyone else, when it is over then it is over.  Leave it.  You’ll be happier in the long run.

Single Dad is Whole Package Deal

However, if you are okay with kids and with having that addition to your relationship then proceed.  Proceed with caution, though.  When dating a single dad you will not only have to build a relationship with him but also with his kids and that can be tricky.

You should not try to come off the wrong way.  Basically, don’t try to be their best buddy and don’t try to be their mom.  Most kids, depending on their age, will resist this.  Be nice and try to get to know them in a naturally way.  He knows you want them to like you, but you also need to tread carefully and not make him dislike you in the process.

Stay Out Of The Drama

Don’t get yourself drug into baby mama drama.  Stay out of things between him and the kids mom.  You can listen and if he asks for advice then give gentle advice.  Don’t hate her and don’t try to be her best friend.  Both cases can hurt you.

When dating a single dad you are going to have to make a lot of relationships work.  You will have to work on your relationship with him and you will have to work with the relationship with his kids.  If he is still on good terms with the kid’s mom then you may need to build a relationship with her.  Every situation is different, but the bottom line is that dating a single dad is more complex than dating a guy without kids.  You need to be sure you are mature enough to handle the situation.

You will find that this situation is also very intimidating to guys.  Trying to find a guy that is willing to date a single mom is not an easy task.  This means the playing field is limited.  You can’t just look for a guy that you are attracted to and that you like, but also one who is willing to date a single mom.

Reasons Why Guys Don’t Date Single Mom

Many guys won’t date a single mom or hesitate to date a single mom for many reasons.  These include:

• You can’t be spontaneous. Since you have to plan an evening out, he fears that you will lose the spontaneous fun of a relationship.  Plus he worries this need for planning will mean no sex ever.

• If you have more than one baby daddy, then he doesn’t want to deal with the added drama. He worries about interacting with your kids dad and if you have more than one that causes even more fear.

• Your kids are teens. Teens are notorious for being rude and not very accepting to a new parental figure and that simply strikes fear in the heart of a guy.

• Your kids are too young. Young kids, on the other hand, are too emotional and having to worry about dealing with another emotional figure in the relationship is not a guys dream come true.

Now, not all guys will have these fears.  Some guys will not care about any of these things.  Those are the guys you need to find.  It may take longer than you want, but in the end it will produce a relationship that has the ability to go the distance.  You can’t change a guy’s mind, but you can avoid those guys who just can’t handle your mother status.